QUIZ RECAP

The Tournament of Champions is upon us and if you haven't begun your Trivia Jedi training - well, what the fuck are you waiting for?

You: always guesses Cindi Lauper for the "Who Am I?" round, talks your team out of doubling even though you contributed to none of the answers, forgets to turn the pen in for the additional 2 points, has never won the drinking round challenge

It's time for change.  We're in December, the fabled last chapter of the year.  The tournament is looming down upon us.  Your team has just barely made the cut (without a lot of help from you, we might add).  So what are you going to do?  Show up and bomb the whole thing?  Or bone up on your geography and walk away with everyone else's money?  Now tell me, friend, which of these sounds more ideal to you?  That's right: money.  It's what makes the world go round, trivia participant, and in just a few easy steps you could be on your way to helping your team secure the jackpot.  Here's what you need to do:

1. Read Wikipedia like it's your Bible.  Worship obscure celebrity birthdays, sing hymns to John Denver album titles, and kneel before the top ten box office grosses of movies starring Pauly Shore.

2. Scour Google Images.  Research pictures of cartoon dogs, famous people with the first name Randy, and banned book covers.  Commit these images to memory.  Rinse and repeat.

3. Check your Twitter feed.  Don't have one?  Make one up.  Don't tweet - nobody needs to read that.  Just follow handles like People, Entertainment Weekly and TMZ - these are always the cusp of Round 1 questions.  Start strong, finish first.

4. Sabotage other teams.  This sounds like a lot of work, right?  Like, who has the time?  The better option might just be to screw with your opponents.  You see them taking notes on the questions? Walk by and spill water all over their paper.  They can't turn in any answers if they don't have an answer pad, right?  Wrong!  They could write on a napkin. Douse that baby in water too!  Break their pen!  Tell the waitress you saw them skim her tips from another table.  Play dirty.  It might be your only chance.

5. If you did all of the above and managed to get kicked out of the bar, try to hide near the window on the northwest wall.  It's usually open and you can hear most of the questions from your vantage point.

6. If security finds you and threatens to call the police, run.  Like, I don't even have any trivia advice for you anymore man - just fucking run.  Honestly, you really should have just been better at answering questions.

Good luck in the tournament!