QUIZ RECAP
It was a beautiful, chilly, wintry night at The Famous in Glendale last night, as formidable frequent first place finisher Because Jeopardy Won't Let Us Drink once again finished in - you guessed it! - first place.
The real surprise was the Wakandan Olympic Bobsled Team, who took a night off from the slopes to swoop in and take a strong second. But the real competition was for third, where no fewer than four teams vied heavily in a back - and forth...
Okay, listen. I don't know who I can tell this to. But I gotta tell someone, so here goes. Last night, after the quiz, I was on may way home when my car suddenly stalled and a bright, disc-shaped object appeared above me. I was transported up through the roof of my car and into the object above me.
The creatures inside were strangely beautiful, and I somehow knew they meant me no harm. They poked and prodded me in all sorts of ways. You hear a lot about "anal probes" in cases of alien abductions, but I'm not gonna say too much about it here, other than to tell you that the stories are true.
It's all true, and the elongated, gray men (I think they were men, I mean, they don't have the same signifying genitalia that humans do, so they could have been women.) were gentle and kind and when they sent me back I didn't really want to go.
The only sound they made, as they applied the probe, was a word that sounded a lot like "truuuuuuump," followed by what I'm sure was laughter. See ya next week. Truuuuuump!
